Fairly Random Friday: Questions We Want Our Cats to Answer

According to the cat bible (aka the internet) today is a very special day for our feline friends. Yes, it’s the day that we’ve all been waiting for… “Answer Your Cat’s Questions” day.

While I appreciate the seriousness (hah!) of this huge event in the cat calendar, I don’t actually have a cat to answer to. I have friends who have cats and have been around enough cats to know what the cute little fur balls are like.

However, as I’m not yet fluent in speaking cat (and let’s face it, they can be vicious when angry) and it’s pretty obvious that our felines can understand us (…but choose to ignore us), I decided to dedicate this post to the countless questions that we have building up that we want to ask our cats.

Obviously this list isn’t comprehensive, but having asked a few of my cat-owning friends what they’d like to know about their kitties, I have compiled some of the most crucial questions that we need to know!

Why Do You Prefer Playing With The Box Than The Present?

We’ve spent ages picking out the perfect cat tree for you to relax and sleep on, but when we get home, all you are interested in doing is sitting in the box and clawing at our hands if we come too close to your new domain.

Seriously, how is the dark, boring interior of a cardboard box more interesting than a soft, new cat toy?

Why Are You Licking My (Insert Facial Feature Here)

I can speak about this one with experience. After looking after my boyfriend’s mum’s cats for a week while she was away, I was woken up multiple times during the night to a cat licking my ear/eye lid/ eye brow… pretty much every area on my face at some point. The one below was the main culprit.

2014-12-06-12-43-51_photo

While I get that it can be extremely boring when someone you want to interact with is asleep, I never have the urge to lick their face until they wake up.

Seriously, just stop doing it! I don’t want to wake up smelling like cat breath!

What Is Your Problem With Personal Space?

Believe it or not, we don’t want to give you attention 24 hours a day, so stop trying to force yourselves infront of us to that we will pet you; you’ll only end up clawing us when you’ve had enough, anyway!

You know what? We already know what your butthole looks like. Why do you feel the need to flaunt it in front of our faces at any given opportunity? We get that you can’t help but have it on show at all times of the day and that we’re lucky that we have underpants and cheeks to cover ours, but it can be pretty obvious that you’re doing it on purpose when you refuse to turn around and move it away from our faces!

And what’s with forcing yourselves on people who don’t like cats in the first place (yes, apparently those people exist!)? That’s just cruel!

Why Must You Watch Me Pee?

It’s really not that interesting of an event, I simply need to empty my bladder into the toilet bowl that you insist on drinking out of from time to time (yeah, gross huh?).

We don’t sit and intently watch you as you go to the bathroom, so the same courtesy would be appreciated, thank you very much!

I’d also love it if you’d not jump into my underwear when it’s around my ankles as I sit on the toilet. You’re only going to get annoyed at me when I have to move you to be able to make my bottom half decent again!

Why Do You Turn Into a Small Elephant at 3AM?

Cats are generally quite graceful creatures (if you don’t go too far into the internet video vaults) so why is it that you insist on tearing around the house at full speed while clumsily bumping into everything you possibly can?

And what’s with your sudden lack of landing silently? You manage well enough when you pounce on my feet during the day, so why does it seem like you’ve mutated into a baby elephant when jumping around in the early hours? Not cool, kitties! Not cool.

Why Do You Sleep So Much

Yeah… wh… actually, this is something that I feel is justified. I mean, who doesn’t want to sleep all day? I’d love to have nothing better to do than curling up and getting a full day of sleep!

I think these are all pretty good questions that us humans need answers to. Calling all you cats out there, we need to know why you do these things! You are all pretty cute, though… I guess I can let you off!

A quick shoutout to my lovely friend Katie and her 3 kitties Belle, Spike and Missy for letting me use her photographs for this post! They are all superstars!

Have you got any questions that you’d like to ask your cat? Let me know in the comments or over on my Facebook and Twitter– I’d love to hear them!

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